top of page

Supplements that Work: Creatine

Ah, simple creatine, the other white power powder (editors note: this is quite racist). One of the most studied supplements on the planet, this stuff really fucks. Now I know you guys don't really care much for studies and I don't blame you, I've always been a fan of personal experimentation over some nerd's data sets. Anyways here's a list of shit creatine has been proven to do through nerd based science:

1) Increase muscle mass

2) Increased energy (more ATP)

3) Can raise levels of IGF-1

4) Increases ballistic potential (because of ATP)

5) Can fight diabetes T2 and lower blood glucose

6) Fights some neurological issues (via an increase in phosphocreatine)

7) Increases the speed of muscle growth

8) Improved cognitive function

9) Possible testosterone increase

10) Increased bone density

11) Heart health (shown to lower LDL)

12) Reduces muscle loss

That's a big ass list of really important shit, right? So I'll be expanding on a few of these but I really want to focus on what it is, the dosage, type, and how it works. I'll also go over a few possible cons to taking creatine, and explain how that could possibly not be an issue at all.

- What is Creatine?

Without getting too deep into this shit, creatine is a substance that is found mostly in your muscle cells. It helps your body recycle ATP (cell energy) by turning ADP back into ATP. So the more you get the more energy you can make. Now most is stored in your muscles but some is in your brain as well, hence the cognitive benefits. What happens when you take creatine muscularly speaking, in a HUGE nutshell, is that your muscles pull in more blood/liquids. Sarcoplasmic hypertrophy (plasmic = plasma/blood, think pump muscle) has a direct link with the level of liquid you can push into your muscles; so more blood (liquid) means more nutrients, more nutrients means more growth and recovery.

- How much do I take?

5 grams a day. That's basically it. The whole loading phase basically does in 1-2 weeks what a 5g dose does over 3-4 weeks. Taking 20g a day during the loading phase is basically just to saturate your muscles to their max in creatine then you revert to your maintenance dose of 5g. Loading phases are often linked to the reports of bloating.

- What type should I take?

Long story short: stick to monohydrate. All these ethyl esters, hypochlorites, and citrate/nitrate/malates will work just fine but monohydrate is the most studied, most used, and generally the cheapest. Save your money for steak to get even more creatine, since one pound of red meat has about 2-4g of creatine.

You get the creatine you fucking deserve.

- Anything I should worry about?

Bloating seems to be the biggest issue, but as I said earlier, that is usually linked to the loading phase. Since creatine pushes a lot of water to your muscles if you aren't drinking enough water (and I mean water, not fucking soda or tea or coffee) dehydration might be an issue. This can lead to severe charlie horses in your calves late at night that cause you to scream silently into your pillow in immense pain. All of the reports of kidney and liver problems are not supported by nerd research.

- So here is the TL;DR

Take 5g of Creatine Monohydrate daily (anytime that works for you) and in 2-3 weeks you'll feel the effects.

Bork Lazer says: "Eat up weakoid"


Recent Posts

See All


For any doubters, you're looking at a potential 10% + increase in weight lifted within a month or ... If benching 100kg for 10, then expect to hit 110... Buy it now, it's cheap as


All around top tier supp. It also accelerates hair loss for men that are prone to it (rather than causing it), but that's probably a goober thing to worry about. Karelin was surely unconcerned.


Feb 17, 2020

Very topical. I have been on the strong powder for a few months now but haven't taken it for the last three or four days (the packaging says it should be taken in cycles of 8 weeks on, 2 weeks off) and holy shit did I notice yesterday when I went for my sunday night session. Also a few days back I had a pain in my calves in the middle of the night, it felt like I was tensing my calves with the force of a sherman tank, I assumed I was flexing my leg muscles when I was asleep because of a dream. I had no idea how potent the effect of the magic barbarian dust was until I stopped taking…


Feb 16, 2020

I read that 0.3g / kg bodyweight is closer to the real 'optimal' figure, but I started on creatine just yesterday, so either way big scoops is on the menu for a while. If RG says 5g though, maybe that is the case.


Did a quick search and found this


Says that it puts water in the muscle instead of growing the muscle if I've read it correctly. Thoughts?

bottom of page