top of page

Rehab: Owie my peepee hurts!

The comments of pure asshurt about ground flopping rehab dude we're comic gold. I can't believe the number of bozos that think slipping resistance bands between your asscheeks and doing spreader stretches or oscillatory hip thursts for mTor potentiation actually works or matters. If you're rehabbing an injury that didn't require big boy surgery and it hasn't healed in a year: you're doing something wrong; even then I'm skeptical because I've seen my brother go from broken back with pins in his spine to walking with a cane in 10 months. If I'm being honest you're probably a giant pussy that's terrified of pain or some shit.

Is that your big fear? Pain? I would think the greatest fear would be to have never lived a life worth talking about, because you were too afraid to bleed or hurt.

Fuck knows how many times I've been hurt training. And I mean playing a sport or fighting, not doing 9 total lifts looking like a can of busted biscuits and claiming your an athlete. Strong? To who? The untrained grandma on the stationary bike? There are field/mat athletes out there with lifts that would make you stuff yourself in a locker outta shame. I digress, I'm not here to bash fats claiming powerlifting is "their sport" (yes I am, who am I kidding), I'm here to talk rehab, what it is and isn't.

Pasty bags of white dogshit with a novice 400lbs squat be like

Rehabbing is getting stronger in that area which is hurt. It's about healing and getting blood to fill that area and bring in lots of nutrients so it can build itself back up. The Starr Rehab Protocol is the light and the way when it comes to strains, pulls, owies, tears, and general discombobulation. Check out strongman and strength coach Matt Rynold's write up on Art of Manliness (hello Mr. Mckay, your deadlift is looking mighty stronk). Matt runs Barbell Logic and that's another solid site for dudes looking to get strong. Their YouTube videos are pretty informative.

Just type this in

Basically you're just doing loads of high rep shit with a compound lift that places some strain on the hurt area. Light and slow for a whole lot is the key here. The prescription/progression is simple: more weight. Steadily add weight linear progression style till your mooskles are back in tip top. No stupid one legged dual armed BOSU banded blood restricted pecker pushdowns for rehab work, get in there and take a little hair of the dog, feel me? Rehab is not mindlessly rolling around on some soft foam or endless "prehab" work. For fucks sake are you made of glass and paper? Spending some time rolling out is good, doing some mobility or muscle activation shit is cool, but spending more than 15 minutes max on that shit is plain old retarded. Another thing: I cannot understand how your general warm-up could possibly take over 10 to 15 minutes. With a warm-up you break a sweat, hit your hips/ankles/knees/shoulders/elbows (hell you can do these in 2 moves), maybe get some plyometrics to get the CNS rocking if you're not totally feeble, then start lifting. Roll out sore spots if you're hurting that bad, but at some point you gotta start training. Are you gonna lay there or are you gonna fucking train?

This image is unbelievably powerful

4 comments

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page